Saturday, November 14, 2009

Again. Again. Ally was denied going home. Her ANC dropped to zero and the doctor said he just couldn't sent her home. Her mouth sores did not appear to be any better either, which didn't help the decision. He wanted her to eat more and see if her white blood cells come up a bit. Collective sigh........

It was a beautiful day here (of course, since we are trapped in hospital) but I decided to take Carly down and visit with Ally in the courtyard/playground area. Both of the girls loved it (Evan was at Sammy's bday party). My girls are just so cute together...I am envisioning them a long time from now being best friends and it makes me happy. There are some Snow White statues out there, which Carly just loves. So Jerad and I were sitting happily on this park bench and the girls were holding hands checking out all the dwarfs.'s the little things right? And then Ally actually went down the tornado slide. I haven't seen her go down the slide in a long long time. (she was obviously unhooked from her IV for this little adventure) So as you can tell, she is feeling better.

Then we went Christmas shopping in the gift shop. Last weekend we did the same thing and she bought quite a few gifts in there. I had to leave today because she wanted to buy something for me. She is also getting to be a master at online shopping.

So tomorrow will be Day 10 at the hospital. The only day we had off was Tuesday. So 9 out of ten days spent here. And we just did 14 straight days right before this. Come to think of it, she has been here the better part of the last two months. We started this round mid September. It is really hard. One of the hardest parts for me is being lonely. I sit down there for twelve hours at a time with Ally. And then I go home put the other kids in bed and am by myself again. Here I am in one of the most stressful, sad, emotional, hard moments of my life and I never even see another adult. Not seeing Jerad is just so hard. We talk on the phone...give a quick hug when we transfer responsibilities, but that is it. Which is why today at the courtyard was just so much fun for me. I actually got to have my family together. A very simple thing, but yet another thing that cancer has taken away from me.

Here's hoping that we get to be together soon and also starting to say some early prayers that we will be together for the holidays. Off to help Miss Ally with her beading project...and yes it is 10pm. Hospital time is quite different from normal time.


  1. *He* doesn't give us more than we can handle, right? I know it seems you can't take anymore at times, but then Ally plays on the slide and chit-chats with her sissy. Hang in there Janel. Prayers are headed your way for a peaceful, family-filled holiday season.

    {hugs daily}

  2. Remember, do not fear nor be dismayed, those little moments together just give you that added strength when you need it most. You are doing a great job and you are almost finished with this ugly phase. Here is hoping that you will get to come home very soon and all be together again as a family. Many prayers for some "normal" home time.

  3. I know of all things being alone for you is torture. You are in my thoughts and daily prayers for some good family and social time soon.

  4. Janel, I so wish I could sit there with you and provide some company. Know that I do so in my heart. Love you.