Thursday, April 22, 2010

Holding On

Wow. Ally continues to amaze me. She just got chemo two days ago and today she decided to take the dog around the block by herself. She was feeling yucky yesterday. Not today. She did about 5 hours at school and spent the rest of her day keeping busy or playing with her friends. I say all of this while holding my breath because I know it is going to get bad. But I just keep checking off days in my head (and on my calendar) of this last eight week intense stint. Somehow, by the grace of God, we are two weeks into it and still doing okay. Somedays, I can really feel as if the hammer is lifting off of me a bit. I am feeling more normal. I see the light at the MIDDLE of the tunnel, because I know we have a year and a half left, but it will be getting easier soon. Other days, I can talk myself back into depression and worry...praying with all my might that this disease never comes back into our lives again. Although we hate the chemo, we are also scared to have less of it. But at some point you have to go there and test the waters and hold your breath. It kind of reminds me of something someone once said to me about having faith in God. God can walk across the water...and you have to have the faith and step one foot after another that he can carry you too. I have never forgotten that imagery in my head. You can tell yourself that you have the faith, but you actually have to live that way. And it is hard. Very hard.

Pastor Gil reminded me of this too...a month or two ago, while he was speaking, I wrote this down: Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" It is a mystery to us all as to what the Lord has planned for us, but for certain it is no accident.

On a lighter note, thanks to all who have said they are coming to the party. This is a ginormous thing to plan and the work around it is being done by lots of caring people. All of the details behind it seem to swim in my head and come to the surface about 2:30 am. Every night. AAAAAHHHH. But anyway, we are working on getting an online source where you can RSVP and also pay your entrance cost. I am hoping it will up and running soon. But again, it is a casual event. Starting at 6pm on May 22nd. The live auction will start promptly at 7:30. We will have food, open bar, music, dancing, a silent auction, tickets for our car/cash raffle, possibly some Ally's Army gear, and a special lemonade stand run by the one and only Ally Barnett. (Please Lord let her stay well for this) Somehow it will all work out, because it always does.

Thanks for keeping Ally in your prayers. Continue to pray for Maggie (who is finally out of ICU) and Lincoln. We also pray for Bonnie, Amanda, Jackie, Katie, Tori, and Julia. And the Bohman family and the Lewis family. Whew. My kids can rattle all the names off better than me!


  1. Janel,
    I recently read the book, "When God Doesn't Make Sense", and your post reflects the content so well. One of the most helpful parts of the book is an explaination of faith vs. trust. They use the example of someone walking a tight rope over Niagra Falls. You can have faith that someone else can walk the rope, but do you trust that they can carry you over. Almost everyone has faith, but when you start to trust in God and his plan, that's when you can start to find peace in the chaos of your life. Obviously, easier said than done, but what a revelation. Here's is to hoping that we can all trust.
    Much love to you, Shelly Bohman

  2. Glad Ally is having a few good days, they will get you through the others. I will keep Ally and all of her friends in my daily prayers. I also pray for you and Jared for continued strength and determination. Great job.

  3. Josh and I are planning on coming to the, let us know when we can RSVP online, and we will do so! Thanks, Janel. Prayers to you all! Love you guys!