Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Keep the Faith

Blah. That is how I feel right now. I am not sure if I am getting sick or what but it kinda feels like I am. Maybe everything is just getting to me, I don't know. I was working out with my trainer tonight (I try to do that once a week) and I was terrible. I just couldn't do stuff! I am usually one that never gives up, I hate to quit, I hate to fail! And I didn't quit tonight, no, but I just wasn't the same as usual either. I do hope I am not getting sick for Ally's sake.

Ally was down today too. I do think Tuesdays and Wednesdays are her worst days. She just wasn't into doing anything. We go from flying off the diving board on Friday to barely getting her outside after dinner today. (And once we did she laid on a blanket in the driveway and even had Mrs Booher go get her a pillow....geez) She continues to eat like a bird. Thanks for all of the suggestions..I have tried the boosted up milkshakes...you name it, I have probably tried it. She is even saying no to McDonalds, but I might have to just go get some anyway. She loves the local Marion's pizza too, I should try that.

She is done with month two of treatments. Can you believe it? So on Thursday, she goes and gets a finger prick and they do a blood count on her. (she HATES this by the way, so I am dreading it) If her ANC is 750 or more, she is allowed to move on to the next phase on Friday. It would be Day 1 of Month 3. If it is not 750 they put her in a holding pattern. I think for a week, but don't quote me on that. I am still a newbie. I am still very anxious about the end of Month 3, that is when they will test her MRD again. That is the number one thing I pray for everyday. MRD less than .01%. MRD less than .01%. MRD less than .01%. That would be about the best news we could get at this point. But, we have to wait another 28 days for that. I hate waiting!

I wanted to mention this book that I love...maybe it will help somebody in the army. Every night before I go to bed (for at least the last year) I have read this book. It is entitled "Streams in the Desert....365 Daily Devotional Readings"-L.B. Cowman. My friend and spiritual advisor, Lisa Wygant, got this book for me when I was having so many trying times with my Mom. And now, well it keeps on applying to my life! It is a great book..you just look up the date, and there is a 1-2 page passage that is encouraging and inspirational. The passages usually remind me of the fact that bad things do have to happen to people. It is inevitable. (As Lisa always tells me, I am walking through the trenches right now) And when these bad things happen, well that is when people really turn to faith (or else they run, which can also happen). And truthfully, it reminds me that facing adversity will ultimately become an advantage for me (and my family) if we keep serving and waiting patiently. Someone said this to me once about the leukemia....that some nugget of gold is going to come out of this. I truly believe that is true. I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know that some of the strongest souls in the world have emerged after great suffering. The book reminds me everyday that there is no way to learn of faith except through trials. And once the lesson of faith has been learned....it is everlasting. So, hey, I am not perfectly faithful... is anyone? Somedays I am down and sometimes I have my doubts. But if that ever happens, just remind me of this last paragraph! Keeping the faith.......


  1. I truly believe this is all going on for a reason, and in the end all will be good. Don't know why you have to go through it, but maybe you'll figure that out in the end.

    Is she hungry for some of her Gehl's nacho cheese anymore?

  2. Two sayings/quotes come to mind. . .

    Sometimes in the winds of change we find our true direction.

    Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

    Keep dancing and looking for that gold nugget. It WILL work out.


  3. Hi Janel!
    My name is Jenny, I'm a blogging friend of Erin Cobb's. We live in Xenia. We're a military family. I've been following Ally's story since the beginning (when Erin posted on her blog.) I think of you often and have been wanting to do something for your family. Tomorrow (Thursday) I have to pick up a friend's daughter at Peace Lutheran from Vacation Bible School. I think I read that your son is there this year too? I know we are strangers but I would love to bring your family dinner tomorrow? I could give it to you at the church at 12noon. Would that be OK? Here is my email address jmczollars@gmail.com and my blog zollarsfamily.blogspot.com
    Continued love and prayers from our family to your's.

  4. Janel,
    I'm proud of you for still working out. You rock...sometimes the body doesn't respond the way the brain tells it too, does it? Hang in there. I know that I've typed that every day this week, but it is about all that I can say. Hang in there. Keep the faith. Know that we are here with more resolve than ever.
    I actually have good news to share today. My baby weighs 1 lb, has all chambers to his/her heart, 10 fingers, and 10 toes. We didn't find out the sex today, and we aren't planning on finding out. It was amazing though to see the human being on the screen. And I thought of Ally, and her fight, and your fight, and I realized that I can't imagine how difficult this is. I can't know your pain, joy, or frustration. All I can do is offer my support. And I hope you know that we are here.