Thursday, November 18, 2010


Today started off not so good, got better, then got worse. It started out with me being sick and feeling yuck with a very nasty cold (that keeps me up half the night). When my alarm went off at 6:27 my kind husband told me just to sleep....he would take care of it. Quickly I had visions in my head of what the kids would wear to school if he were in charge?!?, but then a wave of sickness came over me and I agreed to the extra sleep as my head fell back on the pillow. Thanks Jerad. He did okay with the clothes too.

I finally woke at 8:30 with little princess Carly tapping my arm and telling me she couldn't find her baby Bobo that was lost somewhere in her bed. Sure honey, let me just blow my nose and throw up some phlegm and I will be right there.

And today was chemo day for Ally, which meant I had to leave at 10 to go get her at school, and my babysitter was a little off on the time (but we still love you!) so I panicked for a few minutes and then dumped Carly at my sisters. (Thanks Mel) The thing about can't call in have to go...and we did. I hid in the little infusion room all day, knowing full well I had to stay away from the immune compromised kids including my own! I wouldn't touch her or even hold her hand while she got poked. She held onto my elbow to be safe.

And this is where the day got better. Ally got a great report, again, from Dr B. Her ANC is still a bit high (2500) so they are adjusting her meds and she will be getting a little more chemo. They adjusted them last week too, and I do think they are on the way down. It is such a sigh of relief every month when we get those blood results and know that our girl is safe. Dr B was impressed with how well she is walking again, after months and months of foot pain and stiff joints caused by her Vincristin. I attribute most of the progress that she has made to her swim team and he thinks it is the best thing for her. She is building muscle with the buoyancy of the water helping her. We talked about all kids going into maintenance should join a swim team to help with their joints and walking!

And sweet Ally. I watched her getting the needle poked into her chest and she hardly even flinches. The nurse brings her six pills and a syringe full of medicine to "premedicate" her before her real medicine. She says thanks and quietly takes care of all of it on her own. She spent six hours hooked up to the IV pole, getting a BP every 15 minutes, but finds quiet things to do all while her Mom sits in the corner not feeling so hot. And then I see her counting on her fingers and I ask her what she is doing. And she tells me that she only has to do this 10 more times. We pray that is true. Next month, 12/17, she has another spinal tap.

But then the day turned bad again, as I was sitting next to Ally I got a message that one of our family friends is nearing the end of this life. I sat in that little room and prayed. I prayed and prayed for almost an hour and then I heard that he had passed away. And I know his entire family and I know the pain they must be feeling and I am very sad. Frank will be missed by so many.

As if that is not enough, within an hour, I hear that my Grandma is nearing the end of her life. My sweet Grandma Mom's mom. She has been battling and battling, but is now in "comfort care" and they are anticipating she won't make it. I am so torn...debating hopping into the car and going to PA to see her, but also wanting to remember her as she was when I last visited in August. She is not awake and I opted to stay here. She has lived a long and good life, but it doesn't make the pain or loss any less. I am sure she would tell me that she wants to go....she wants to go see her daughter and my Mom. There are lots of times I would like to go too. Wish I could just "visit" Heaven once in a while. I can picture it now....Mom must be busy up there getting everything ready for Frank and Grandma.

Tonight I pray for them all.

"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy." ~Author Unknown


  1. Oh sweet Janel, there must be a party in Heaven today, what a wonderful reunion. But I am sorry for your loss, it is so hard to lose more family, and my prayers and heart are with you.
    Take care and hope you feel better soon!

  2. Janel,
    That is the same quote I used when my parents passed away. Mom died 6 years ago this morning and your Grandma Josie came to visit her the day before she died. On the same floor at Hamot. How ironic that she is there now.
    Lynn McEnery Clapp

  3. Even though today was a very difficult day for you, it was a good day for your mom. I know that sounds crazy but I believe that. I am so sorry for your loss and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family during this difficult time. Now it is time for you to take care of yourself. Glad Ally did well and that her counts were good. Fun pictures from Legoland, I can't wait to take our Ella there. How is your dad? Take care. Hugs and kissses to all of you.