Tuesday, March 8, 2011

In like a Lion.....

I forgot I wanted to say one more thing about Ally's curls. Many of the kids, (and adults too for that matter) have changes in their hair due to the chemotherapy. We always joke that Ally got the most expensive perm ever. But I really wanted her to have curls. I remember Christmas Day 2010, when we were in the hospital. Rough day. This beautiful little girl named Julia came to visit the patients that were there. She was a cancer survivor (kidney cancer). She was seriously the cutest little girl ever and her hair just hung in ringlets all around her face. I remember telling her Mom, Emily, that if I could just have that curly hair one day with Ally I would be so pleased. I think my prayers were answered on that one. And now Ally gets more comments on her hair than ever.
Things are settling back into normal around here. Well normal as far as sickness goes. I believe everyone went to school and met all their obligations last week. I don't think that had happened in our family since before Christmas. It was a good feeling. Believe it or not, Ally is still nursing a sore throat and cough though. Seems like you shouldn't really have a sore throat for two straight weeks so I think we will be talking to Dr Broxson about this on Friday. Maybe they can do a quick strep test.

Every time we go in for an appointment, we go through a huge checklist of questions from the nurse before we can get started. They ask everything...was there a rash, stomach ache, bumps, bruises, coughs, colds, bodily functions, etc etc. They always ask if there was a fever, and I always wonder.....how could that be? Wouldn't I have been in the hospital if so? But, for the first time, we will say yes to this question because she had a fever (well less than 101) but they didn't know about it.

Ally's spinal is just a few days away (Friday). As you can imagine, we spend a lot of time praying and hoping for the best results ever. It is nervewracking. Crazy mom that I am I take this "cancer healing stone" that her Aunt got for her and rub her with it before bed. Praying, singing, always wishing for her to be healed of the cancer.

This time of year is really rough on me. I lost my mom two years ago on March 15. I can play back the days leading up to her death like a record and that is just what I do. I have to purposefully make myself stop thinking about it. Especially when I try to sleep. It is just so hard to see the suffering of a loved one...and for me, my Mother, it is just still so traumatic for me. My huge problem, is that I never really had time to grieve and deal with my loss...because I was thrown into the world of leukemia and quickly shifted gears into doing everything in my power into saving my child.

But now, I must deal with it. For the past few weeks, I have been going through her clothes. It shouldn't result in so much agony for me, but it does. It is horrible and hard and I just never seem to get it done. I have loaded up my car several times. I find there are so many things that I just can't let go of. I don't know why. I guess it is all part of the process...and I am doing it now...and I am proud of myself for doing it. After two years. I guess I have been kinda busy though.....
Today, it was such a nice day. I love the Springtime coming (except now for those aforementioned feelings I deal with). So after a couple hours of more clothes sorting, we took a break and enjoyed all the natural beauty that Fox Hill has to offer. We fed Ma's ducks. And sometimes I think my Mom is walking right there with us. And today she was. I just know it.

Thanks for thinking of my family as we get through another Spinal Tap Friday.


  1. Getting spinal taps and bone marrow were what I dreaded and didn't look forward to. I remember them the most of any of the treatment, probably because they hurt so bad. It was the only needle I was afraid of and the only time I cried during any of my treatment. In regards to hair, mine used to be curly and then when it came back in, it started curly now my hair is very fine and straight. Best wishes to Ally and your family on friday.

  2. Always thinking of you, Ally, and your family. Hugs and prayers to you all.

  3. Sweet Janel, you'll be in my prayers during this tough time. I'm hoping those daffodils start popping up soon to bring back some happy memories.

  4. Tears and smiles as I read today's entry.

    Carley is so cute! Prayers for you all on Friday and every day!

  5. Thanks for sharing, I know how you feel about March. On the 12th it will be 16 years without John and I still have a few things of his. It is ok. Jodi convinced me that there were lots of folks who could benefit from his other things so that helped. This Friday will be good for you and your family, we have lots of prayers here and even more from above. Enjoy the sun and flowers.

  6. LOVE those curls! Love that picture below out on the deck! I told her one time when she had no hair that her hair MIGHT come back in curly! She looks adorable. Continuous prayers for Friday, for you, and for the family. Love, love, and more love!

  7. Thinking of you and Ally today. Praying her spinal tap had successful results!

  8. Anxiously awaiting your Friday results. We are praying that you will be sharing wonderful news with us. Our thoughts are with you this time of year.............we are waiting for the sign of the daffodils and the rainbows....
    The Mercurios