On the mend

Ally is on the mend. She has gone from being very sick 24 hours ago to now just complaining of lingering belly pain. We holed up in the house all day and tried to take care of her. There are a lot of hours to fill in a day when you are stuck inside. So we made pumpkin bread (her favorite), played play-dough (with Carly), made some homemade halloween cards, watched a show (Ally, not me), did some schoolwork, visited with Pa, and called and re-invited my Aunt Gail to come and see us, just a day late. I also did furious cleaning and trying to remove all germs from the house....all bedding, stuffed animals, blankets on the couch, etc washed. I wonder how it is that I am always picking up after the five people in this family. All. Day. Long.

I know I was in despair when I wrote last night. Jerad says "you sure get a lot of comments when you write a sad post" Yea, I do. Because when I am sad, my army lifts me up a little. I get more comments and emails. Nice neighbors bring me gifts (thanks Paula and Judy) And when life is bad and/or sad, it is just that. I cannot change it and I certainly won't sugarcoat it for the purpose of keeping this blog. I am trying to keep this real....even though I don't like what's happening anymore than anyone else.

So I kissed my little girl goodnight just a short hour ago. I said to her it is your last day to be 7. Your last kiss as a 7 year old. I said tomorrow you get whatever you want. And she said...whatever I want for breakfast, whatever I want for lunch, and whatever I want for dinner. And I said yes. But isn't that what we do everyday anyway? Oh yea, she said. But I did say that she can ask me to do whatever for her. But I usually do that too. Pushover.
For some reason, every year on her birthday I get a little sad. I remember her first birthday...crying all day. So sad that the "baby year" was behind me. It is no different this year. I am sad that she is another year older. You don't get to have your kids with you everyday for your whole life...this I realize. After a while, they are gone and off to start their own lives....and then it is back to it being just Jerad and I again. So I sort of have this mental ticker going off inside my head. I always yell at the kids when they get older (jokingly, of course) This year I am sad for more reasons than that though. So much can change in a year. I looked at this picture of her last year on her birthday, and then I wondered where we will be next year on her birthday. And then I forced myself to stop thinking about it, and just live for today.
I am hoping to have more pictures of my girl Ally over the years up for her birthday. Or shortly thereafter. A lot of you don't even know her pre-disease. Here's to hoping she can celebrate her day with minimal ailments. Just like a new parent, Jerad and I were even wishing that maybe, just maybe, she will sleep through the night. She never ever does. But one can hope.......