Expect the worst

All week long we have been going downhill. I kept telling Jerad she was going to end up admitted to the hospital. I somehow always have the mother's intuition with these things. A sixth sense.

Her methotrexate level only dropped to .31. She started complaining of pain in her throat, and later her mouth. In the middle of the night, she vomited and I thought I saw blood. Upon examination by Dr B in the clinic today, he determined that she had oral mucositis. Basically this is ulcers or sores all through the mouth, tongue, throat, and even down to the stomach. A lot of cancer patients get it and it is extremely painful. It also allows infection to spread into your body and can be quite serious. Ally was in so much pain she stopped talking. Very little eating. Her medicine was also burning the sores in her mouth. I heard the doctor say that she has a pretty bad case of it. The methotrexate is not leaving her system quickly enough and it is wreaking havoc on her little body with these side effects. Dr B asked her on a scale from 1-10 (10 is the worst) about how much pain she was in. She muttered a nine.

He had no choice but to admit her. They put her on a constant drip of morphine to stop the pain. They also gave her a button she can press every ten minutes that gives her more morphine if she is in severe pain. Because the sores are so bad she will not be able to eat. So they also put her on IV nutrition. This takes care of that problem. She also needs to have fluids to reduce the mtx levels. So, even though she has a port, they also had to start an IV in her hand because she has too many things to go in through one line. She was not at all happy about this. Big tears streaming down her face, but ended up getting it in like a champ. She is a brave brave girl. Nothing really phases her.

Of course, upon hearing she was admitted I broke into tears right in the middle of the clinic. I was sooooo sad because my Dad is having a halloween party at his house. She wanted this particular mining game/thing that she saw at the Soin's party for her birthday. Since we didn't really do a birthday party for her, he got it for this party...a late birthday present. She has been so excited to do it. And now she can't even go. And I feel bad about that and I feel bad for my Dad who was doing it for her. Ally didn't cry. No. She just sat and watched her mother sit there and lose it for a few minutes. I don't usually do that, but today I did. I sooo wanted us all to be together this weekend after being apart the last weekend.

After being there all day (week), Jerad came down to relieve me and spend the night with her. I came home tonight and put the other two kids to bed. Carly was messing around with a fortune cookie that she found in the pantry. She dropped the fortune on the floor. I thought, well I better see what this says and I picked it up.

It said "Hope for the best, but expect the worst"

And that is exactly my attitude right now.