Remembering

Ally did not get to go home today. She is still residing at the hospital and continues to be the only child in the hemoc wing. The main reason was her blood counts did not come up very much...ANC went from 0 to 30. They like it to be higher before she goes home, like 200. However, being that she just got chemo on Friday again, it seems unlikely that these counts will rise anytime soon. She was also right on the brink of a fever. She went as high as 100.5 yesterday. Although they do not consider it a true fever unless it is 101 or higher. Sooooooooo......the doctor asked us to stay another day. He wanted her to prove that the fever would not come back. He also wanted to get a few more doses of IV antibiotics into her. Maybe continue at home with a little home health care bringing some more antiobiotics. I am telling you, these people do not cut corners. Which is good. Although we wanted to go home, it is such a blessing that they are so involved and truly wanting what is best for her. I guess when dealing with a life threatening illness, which I keep getting reminded that she has, you really want to error on the side of conservatism.

We passed the day by having quite a few visitors come down..which is ok as long as they are not sick. She also put a mask on and walked out to the playground area again. This seems to be our retreat everyday. I am noticing that her little cheeks are not so little anymore. She resembles a chipmunk now, from the steriods. They make her retain water and she also eats quite a bit. Jerad's Mom tells us it is called Moonface.

Thanks to Ally's top notch IT guy, Bob Winger, we had some analytics plugged into our blog here. I am really surprised (and happy) to say that we are averaging between 250-300 visitors here every day! Ally's army has some great enlistment figures, don't we? I noticed today that a few of Jerad's childhood friends have signed up...and there are also people all all over the US looking at her story. These people have never even met Ally! So I put a little video clip out here for you to watch. It is not riveting, but you can see the chipmunk cheeks and hear her little giggles. She is happier still, and I love to hear her laugh. It had been a long time!

Sadly, I spent a good part of the day reflecting about my Mom. She passed away from cancer exactly three months ago today...at age 60. Too young. Three months actually seems like so long ago to me. She was such a huge part of my life. We talked or saw each other every single day. I nursed her for 15 straight months of horrible cancer. I miss her so much. If ever there was a time I needed my Mom more in my life, it is right now. She would have helped me through all of this...with the other kids, making us meals, doing my laundry, being a shoulder for me to cry on. Don't get me wrong, this would have absolutely devastated her...seeing her beautiful granddaughter go thru cancer. But I do believe her strength would have carried us all through. My mom was a fighter to the end. She taught me to be strong and faithful. She taught me everything I know about how to be a Mom. She was just perfect to me. By watching her through her disease, she taught me how to hold onto hope when times get rough. I try to remember that she is living in my heart everyday. Because she made me into who I am today. She is my angel...watching over me and watching over my kids.

I was reading a passage the other day and it reminded me of myself. It said the strength of a ship is only fully demonstrated when it faces a hurricane. And right now I feel like I am in the eye of the hurricane. I hope I have the strength to get through this again. Although this time, we WILL beat the cancer.