Back to the hospital

Ally's stomach pain has really never subsided. The doctor had told us if the change-up in meds did not make her feel better by Wednesday, we were to call. It has still been hurting her at various times of the day, but definitely every night. Out of the last seven nights, she has slept one night. And even that night she was up three times. We consider three times up to be a good night. Well, last night we were up pretty much the whole night, so we decided to call. I was thinking they might order some tests for Friday, because we were going to be down there anyway.

Dr Broxson told us to come in right away. As I have mentioned, they hate for their kids to be in pain and he did not want to wait even one more day. She was crying a bunch by this point. She cried all the way into the hospital and also into the clinic...lots of people staring at us! When he saw her crying, they moved really fast. That is one good thing...no waiting in the hemoc clinic. We were sent right down to the lab to get abdominal x-rays. She had one on that very first night when we went in, but that was about a month ago. Jerad and I were pretty anxious at this point. You can't help but worry about the cancer spreading. And to see our girl in pain all the time, compounded by both us being exhausted, I felt pretty fragile. I could feel myself breaking down before he even entered the room.

He took us away from Allison and called us into his office, which scared the living daylights out of me. He said he wanted to show us her films. He had never taken us away before. Then the nurse grabbed some chairs for us to sit down, and I got really, really scared. But then he broke the news to us...she was very constipated. He showed us on the film, compared to the one on May 27, and there does seem to be an issue. It is a side effect of the chemo drugs, and she had been going, but not enough. Sorry for too much information, but it is what it is. So we are trying some things to try to get her to go. She is pretty much miserable and I am anticipating a horrible night is before us.

We have to go back to the hospital at 8 am tomorrow. Another bone marrow aspiration, the fourth bone marrow in 28 days. Day 1, day 7, day 14, and now day 28. I just hate those things. And then she will also get a spinal tap. They will check her spinal fluid to see if the cancer cells have spread there and at the same time they will inject methotrexate into her spine to prevent it from doing so. For all of this, she will be under conscious sedation. Depending on her counts, she may or may not need more blood. Our trend is running that she gets it every Friday. She will NOT get the other two chemo infusions. I am hoping that maybe this will give her a slight break from the fatigue and generally cruddy feeling. Although I know from experience that the methotrexate is serious stuff. Mom got that, and soon after she developed this distant-like stare in her eyes. I looked at Ally the other day and I saw it. I saw it clear as day. Then about five people, including my sister, told me they really thought Ally looked like Mom now with her new haircut. And she does. I see it all the time. Unfortunately, I believe it is those chemo eyes that is causing the resemblance. A resemblance that I whole-heartedly wish was not there.

On another note, my friend Nicki got this necklace for me to wear. (picture below) She is just one of those super-thoughtful friends that always thinks of everyone else above herself. She has literally carried me on her back for the last year and a half of my life. Everyday listening to my rantings and ravings...ups and downs..providing much advice and actually thinking things through for me when I cannot. I hope she is ready for two more years of it! I just loved the necklace so much that I had to share. The artist that made it is now one of my "followers" and you can see her work here. http://www.queenbeedesignsbyamanda.blogspot.com/

Please say some prayers for my sweet child. No pain. No more leukemia cells. And for the rest of our family to get the strength to carry her through.