I am feeling burdened under so much stress this week. It is piling up on me and my back is hurting. Really hurting. And I am getting a cold too. Miraculously, I haven't gotten sick this WHOLE time, so not now please, not now. It is because I have had so much to do that I haven't been going to bed until the wee hours and then getting up early too. I am mad at myself. I am not good about saying NO to anybody, especially my kids. And Mother's Day coming up...well that is just seriously adding to the stress and also my emotional breaking point.
I got to fly to Pennsylvania yesterday for the DAY and see my grandparents (Mom's parents). It was quite a treat to see them. They are both over 90 (Grandpa 93) Grandpa picked me up at the airport and drove me home...to the home they have lived in for 60 years. And yes he is 93. He is amazing with a capital A. It was heartwarming to see them both. I can look right into my Grandpa's eyes and feel like I am looking at my Mom. It is good, but it makes me cry. And so does my Grandma, bless her heart, I love her so much and hate to see her hurting over losing her daughter. It still hurts. Some people think it feels better after a year goes by. My personal opinion is that it feels worse.
Adding to the stress....we are going down to Cincinnati Friday morning to have Ally's radiation mask made. We did find out that we have to go all the way "downtown" which is actually somewhere at the University of Cincinnati. The study protocol says she has to use a particular machine...and it is there. So there is where we must go. The good news is this machine actually works faster...so less time for Ally to be bolted down in her mask. The bad news is it is a further drive, more walking for Ally, etc. We will deal with it. I don't even have a single appointment set up yet...I am going to do that tomorrow, I guess. It is hard to imagine that I am going to have to line up help here every single day for Evan and Carly. Well, tomorrow, I am taking Carly with me. And my sweet neighbor Brooke bailed me out by watching Evan in the morning. (thank you)
It is pretty frustrating because they sent us to Westchester for our consult, etc, but it was never an option to go there. The younger kids can't go there, the older kids can't go there (at least the leukemia kids)...the kind woman who called me today could sense the frustration in my voice when everything got re-arranged at the eleventh hour. She was nice (and I wasn't being rude or anything) but she kindly suggested I have a glass of wine tonight. HAH!
I will report more after our appointment.
One more small thing. Hey, this might even be a way for some of you to help me with my stress:
So far we only have about 100 people signed up for/paid for the Ally's Army Battles Cancer party on May 22nd. However tons of people have told me they are going, but just aren't showing up on my list yet. If you plan to go, please try to sign up in the next couple of days! We are trying to get numbers to all our food/tent/bar, etc people by May 15th. It is coming quickly....we are making it an awesome event and we have some seriously good auction items up for grabs. And it is for a great cause! Here is the link:
http://soh.dayton.llsevent.org/allysarmybattlescancer
Also, we have secured a bus (56 passenger) to bring people from Junction City and/or Columbus and take you home that same night. I will put the details out here soon. Jessica Barnett has offered to coordinate this. Thank you sister!
Praying for Ally and for every other soul (adult or child) that we know that is battling cancer. When will there be a cure?
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Thinking of you in Maryland Janel and wishing your stress away. With Mother's Day coming up know that you are one incredible mother and that's an understatment. Continued prayers and happy thoughts for Ally and the whole Barnett Family.
ReplyDeleteHope your appointment today went well. Drive safe and try to relax. It was good to see you at our softbal debacle yesterday. Thanks for your support, team mom! :)
ReplyDeleteJanel,
ReplyDeleteWould you like red, white. or both ? :)
Not sure if I mentioned that we will be at a wedding, but do plan on stopping by later, just not sure what time. I am so glad to hear that you were able to spend some time with your grandparents. With Mother's Day approaching, you are bound to be feeling a little sad and stressed. Even thought this is not how you want it to be, find in your heart, mind and soul, the good, fun, funny, loving, memories of Marcy. I know they are there. I had one yesterday when I was playing golf, laughing to myself and someone asked me what was so funny. OH just thinking about Marcy. Nothing else matters at the moment. Your family is surrounded by many who love and care for all of you.
Janel,
ReplyDeleteI hope you had that glass of wine, and that the fitting and trip went as well as possible today. There will be a cure, and it is because of efforts by families like your's. Keep your chin up. Mother's Day is a celebration of the love that you are so lucky to know. But it will still hurt, and I agree that a year later hurts more. Don't forget though, that it is a celebration too. And it's a celebration of the love that you have for your three, and they are better people for it, and very lucky, for they know love too.
Hang in there. Wish I could help more.
love,
jodi
I definitely would like to get the details about coming to the Ally's Army Party on a bus from Junction City. I would really like to come, but have been trying to figure out a way, since Craig will have to work that weekend, and I'm not so comfortable with navigating long trips. This may be my answer! I hope that Mother's Day will bring you joy and happiness, and that you feel your Mom's love shining down on you, helping you get through each day.
ReplyDelete