One Down

Chemo was infused at about 930 am. Then we got ready to go to UC for the first radiation treatment. After checking in and seeing the doctors (briefly) we had to wait two hours to go back to the radiation machine. UGH. They said every other day it might be 10 or 15 minutes but a machine was down today and they had to cram everyone on one. UGH. So that wasn't the greatest start. It is very sad to sit in the waiting room at one of these things. You see all kinds of people...all afflicted with cancer. Some getting their necks, their breasts, head, uh...it just makes me sick. Ally was the only child in the room. I also believe she was the only one without hair.

When she went back, they showed us her mask. They had painted it all up to look like a butterfly with the eye holes popped out for her. I need to take a picture. They said she gets to keep it at the end. They bolted her down right away and it was tight! I mean really tight like she can't even move her head 1 millimeter. Not a centimeter...they were raising her up and down and getting her lined up to the MILLIMETER. All three doctors were studying her positioning and getting it just right..up a millimeter, down a millimeter. As soon as she was bolted down...it hit me really hard. I couldn't help but start crying, but she didn't see me. It was just the most awful feeling to see my baby girl up on that big table with the mask on. Knowing those rays were going right to her little and still developing brain. It was like a nightmare but it was real. We had to leave the room for about twenty minutes while they did all the first day positioning, etc...which was good because I didn't want her to see me anyway. We watched her on some big TV/Computer monitors. We got to go back one time during the positioning to check on her. She requested that the radio be on. As soon as we walked in to check on her, the song "How to save a life" by the Fray was playing on the radio. And then it all hit me again....yea, we are saving her life. More tears and I quickly exited the cement room with some technicians bringing me kleenex. It is just so hard to see. I really tried to stay strong, but I can only take so much. At least she didn't see me.

Ally though...she did great. Awesome. Way better than I would ever do. She kept giving the thumbs up signs. Finally they started the actual radiation. I think it took about 2 minutes. The machine was spinning high above her, then over to the side of her face...back up, back down. It looked like a Kings Island Ride the way it was whipping around. Lights were shining and she told me later it looked like fireworks. When it was done we moved back to the room and they unbolted her. She had waffle print all over her face and nose because the mask was so tight.

Seriously. Give her the bravery award. She is my hero. She is other people's hero. She is so laid back and good. Tonight she was complaining of a headache. And it hurt right under her ear lobes. And her cheek, back by her ears, was really hot. She said it felt like she got sunburned. This is only day one, and I wasn't thinking we would see this, so I feel a little sick and worried right now. We go back down tomorrow at lunchtime. Then chemo at 3pm. Please keep our girl in your prayers right now.