Chemo Again

Ally was released from the hospital on Friday. We got home a little before dinnertime. As we pulled in the driveway, all her neighbor friends must have seen her. They rushed the car and she never even went in the house. She just stayed outside. Within minutes, a nail painting station had been set up in the driveway. Here she is:
She has started eating again. For this I am thankful. I want her to be done with this TPN (nutrition through her IV) It is a huge pain in the butt for both of us. As far as the eating, it has not been without pain though. She has been up again the last two nights in pain. Her legs/ankles are still hurting her from the last chemo 10 days ago. She takes several baths a day to try to alleviate the pain. We have done a few does of vicodin over the weekend for stomach pain.

As everyone else gets ready to start another school/workweek, we are headed back to the hospital on Monday morning. I usually don't feel the huge pit of dread in my stomach that I am feeling right now. But tonight, I do. Tomorrow, after her ultrasound of her pancreas, they will give her two more chemos (Vincristin and Methotrexate...the last mtx for a while). I can almost feel a small panic attack coming on, and then I talk myself down. She has suffered so much lately. It is hard for me to willingly take her in for more chemo. Sometimes enough is enough. But in this case, I cannot choose. I cannot ask them to stop hurting my child, because in the same process they are saving her. But I know I am signing up for another 10 days of misery. Then we go into another phase, and I am hoping it treats us nicer than this past one. The thing we know about chemo is that it is cumulative....it builds up in the system and gets harder and harder to tolerate. She is 10 months in and it is definitely hard.

I could not be surviving right now without the help from our friends and our family. We are tired and worn out and we tried to catch up over the weekend, but still have things that didn't get done. We lost a whole week with the pancreatitis and it is a struggle to get caught back up. I have had to call in more favors to get help for tomorrow's hospital day again. I truly do not know where we would be without the support that we have been given. Even 10 months in...we still need help, and a lot. Thanks to everyone who has helped us out here lately. It will never be forgotten.