Christmas Eve

This morning at 6am Ally woke not feeling very well. It was pretty early and her stomach was bothering her. Tears. Later in the morning, after going up to my Dad's for pancakes (which she did not eat) her head started hurting. More tears. This was all followed by me. Panicking. Calling to find out the hours of the blood lab because I do think her counts are going too low. My head started hurting in misery. Visions of Christmas of 2009 were swimming in my head. Why, oh why, could I not just have a worry-free holiday? After taking her temperature multiple times, we gave her some ibuprofen. And it worked. She started perking up midday. And started eating. And showing signs of all her excitement about Christmas. I have never seen her so excited about it really. Maybe two years worth of excitement have brewed up within her.

So Jerad and I started to breathe a little easier. We had a most awesome time up at my Dad's house tonight with all of our family surrounding us. Evan winning the game of pass the pickle and Jerad getting his cool gift of a remote control helicopter. And Evan saying so cutely: Wow, everyone really loves Ally's hair. We got to go to church. All 5 of us together. Me, barely able to eek out a Merry Christmas to our pastor without a lump in my throat and choking back tears for what God has given to us this year. The greatest gift of all which is the restoration of health to our daughter. The gratitude is overfloweth on this day.

Yesterday, some of us cancer Moms took down Christmas dinner to the hospital. We fed the whole Hem/Onc wing and had enough left over to feed the ICU families. I walked down the long corridor, with my offering of food, saying silent prayers as I passed each room and peeked inside to see a little one in a hospital bed at Christmas. I remember it all well. I remember the decorations. I remember being in the room last year and watching other people come. The same little boy that we celebrated Christmas with last year...he was still in there. I remember driving a Christmas tree down to the hospital at 11 pm on Christmas Eve...barely able to see the road through my tears. While my friend Suzanne came and set out my gifts and put things together and even did my dishes. It is a Christmas I will never forget.

But this year, my little ones are upstairs snug in their beds. And Dad is putting together some toys. And cookies are on my mantel. And all is good for now. And Santa has some work to do, so I should really get off my computer. I just wanted to remember this feeling right now. But it is really almost unexplainable, so I will leave it at that.

Merry Christmas to all. And to all a good night......